Saturday, January 23, 2016

NFL Conference Finalists and their WWE Counterparts (Year 6: 2015-16)

Oh, how I've missed this.

For those who didn't read my on-and-off wrestling blog when it was getting occasional updates, one constant was the annual article where I took the four teams who qualified for the AFC and NFC conference championship games and selected current WWE Superstars whose persona and performance best emulated those teams.

If you'd like more of a picture of what it looked like, you can check out my articles for 2010-11, 2011-12, 2012-13, 2013-14 and 2014-15.

Those who elected to follow these links will notice last year's was a bit of a chore because of WWE's lackluster booking making it so that I couldn't create anything resembling hype for the wrestling part of this wrestling-football equation.

I have solved the problem this year.

Don't get me wrong: The current WWE product is still an absolute nightmare. Awesome characters are being shoved down the card. The Authority is putting itself on the screen far too often. The "Divas Revolution" is the same nonsensical booking with a face-heel alignment that makes no sense (though at least the matches are better, I guess). And almost every notable Superstar is shelved with an injury.

So what have I done to fix it? Suck it up and just enjoy the product? Of course not!

Throw up a bunch of RKO Vine videos? Please, I was going to do that anyway.

Maybe some "And his name is JOHN CENA" videos? Heck no! I've got that page bookmarked. Here's a sample:

In all seriousness, though, I do have a solution: Use NXT's Superstars instead!

I thoroughly enjoy NXT and have tremendous respect for the product. It's still owned by WWE, so I don't feel like I'm cheating by going outside the company. And who knows? Some of these guys may end up in the Royal Rumble match.

The only rule I set for myself is that the competitor must have been an active member of the NXT roster for a period of time this past year. No one-shot deals or guest spots. NXT had to be their home base.

(For the record, if I'd gone with WWE guys, I'd have used Cena for the Patriots, Roman Reigns for the Panthers, Seth Rollins for the Broncos and Dean Ambrose for the Cardinals. I've used Cena far too often and while it would be cool to mention all three Shield members, I don't feel like all three are as fitting as the NXT competitors are.)

So let us move on to the main event!

New England Patriots - Kevin Owens

So when it came to finding an NXT force to take the Patriots' run, I asked myself a few questions:

Who won the title and proceeded to continue being a dominant force?
Who can win clean and yet insists on playing the cowardly heel role and putting themselves in obvious cheating positions?
Who loves to win, whether by technicality or brutality?
Who is identified by many fans as part of a unit (Belichick and Brady; Steen and Generico)?

The answer to all those questions is New England.

Though it continues to irritate me that this team is still showing up in major spots, and though I still stick to my guns that the Pats would not be the current defending champions had ball deflation never been an issue, I have no gripes with giving the former NXT Champion and easily the most successful NXT-to-WWE transfer in the last year to the champs.

And heck, Owens got famous in WWE by beating Cena, so this is just perfect in many ways.

Now for the opponent. And speaking of names joined at the hip:

Denver Broncos - Sami Zayn

If one thing on Twitter irritated me in 2015 more than anything it was those stupid Zayn hashtags. The reason being that it annoyed me that the most enjoyable male wrestler on the NXT roster gets zero hashtags in favor of a dude no longer in the now-defunct boy band who made him famous.

Denver, too, gets overlooked, though it's mostly been due to Peyton Manning being absent from the team for the middle of the season. His injuries were a plague on a Bronco unit seemingly destined for success early in the season.

Likewise, Sami Zayn's star, which had been rising into the main roster this past spring, hurled itself back to earth after his injuries forced him out of a roster call-up and NXT title reign.

Nonetheless, don't assume that Zayn and the Broncos both belong in the scrap heap. Zayn is back and making noise in NXT once again, and the newly-restored Broncos surged at the end of the season to take the No. 1 seed.

Zayn and Owens could have been the feud of 2015 had Zayn been healthy, and it's only fitting that their NFL analogues feature Tom Brady and Peyton Manning as quarterbacks.

One heck of a match-up awaits fans on Sunday.

Now for the NFC Championship Game:

Arizona Cardinals - Baron Corbin

I almost feel like I'm cheating here. Who should be the Cardinals' representative? How about the guy who actually played for them?

Kind of weird, right?
But let's be clear here: That is not the only reason I picked Corbin. It's the main one, but he works here in other ways.

Corbin is an absolute force and appears like he could be a real player at the main roster level. His offense packs an awesome punch and the man is deceptively nimble despite being known for power.

Likewise, the Cardinals' unit, built by head coach Bruce Arians, is a major threat. The team owns a suffocating defense (until they lost a linebacker, anyway) and an offense that can rack up the points.

The drawbacks for both is the inability to show success in major tests. I will grant that in Corbin's case it's because 90 percent of his 2015 matches were squashes and in Arizona's case it's because Carson Palmer simply hasn't had many playoff opportunities. Regardless, the comparison is fitting.

I would not be shocked to see Corbin or Arizona hold titles in 2016.

On now to the final team, whose counterpart is a trailblazer for this blog:

Carolina Panthers - Sasha Banks

Yes, everybody, after years of waiting, there is finally a female wrestler deserving of a spot on this blog!

In spite of WWE's attempts to kill any momentum NXT's ladies had when joining the main roster, there is no changing what we all saw during the NXT Takeover specials. What we saw was the dawn of a competitor worthy of being the next big draw in this company.

Though I don't consider Sasha's to be the top of the Four Horsewomen in terms of actual wrestling (Becky holds that mark), intimidation (Charlotte) or authentic likability (Bayley), Sasha is a master at getting the exact crowd reactions she desires and possesses the "X" factor that so few can claim to have. When her music hits and she walks in, there's no doubt who owns the room.

Over the last year, Sasha has produced five matches that topped anything the WWE Diva roster produced in the previous eight years. And it comes from her ability to push the pace, beat opponents in a variety of ways, and taunt in just the right way.

And geez, if any NFL star is getting under people's skin for taunting, it's Cam Newton. His touchdown celebrations are a thing of brilliance, getting on people's nerve in that 'right' way that makes him a must-see player.

The team can win through the air (though it's harder because of the receiving core), on the ground or through the defense. They are the total package and my pick to take the title this year.

I hope everyone enjoyed this year's entry in the NFL-WWE saga, and to close out I give you my picks for WWE's ill-timed Royal Rumble card! (Seriously, nothing is happening next week. Who the heck decided to run this during the NFC title game?)

WWE World Tag Team Championship - New Day defends successfully vs. The Usos
United States Championship - Alberto Del Rio defends successfully vs. Kalisto
Intercontinental Championship - Dean Ambrose defends successfully vs. Kevin Owens
WWE World Women's Championship (I refuse to call it Divas title) - Becky Lynch beats Charlotte by DQ, leaving Charlotte as champion
WWE World Heavyweight Championship/Royal Rumble Match - Brock Lesnar wins championship

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