Sunday, January 20, 2019

NFL Conference Championship teams and their wrestling counterparts (Year 9: 2018-19)

NOTE: To see the previous years, follow these links: 2010-112011-122012-132013-14, 2014-15, 2015-162016-17, 2017-18).

Hard to believe it, but I've been working on this thing for nearly a decade. Next year will be one decade of the NFL conference championship blog, and I already know what gimmick I'll be using next year.

As for this year, I actually kept switching between different gimmick ideas for a multitude of reasons. Among them were: 1. Each gimmick had one team that had trouble fitting with its counterpart when I thought of the explanation, and 2. I have basically been avoiding WWE like the plague for most of the year.

That's not to say I didn't watch wrestling at all this year. Heck, you may have seen that I tried to keep a monthly best matches column on this blog before it became clear my teaching schedule would make doing anything on a scheduled basis difficult. I'm sure it won't stop me from trying again, but realistically, I should stick to writing when I have an opinion I have a MIGHTY NEED to give out.


(Probably my favorite thing that ever happened on Invader Zim... well that or this one:


Or maybe the Christmas special... I'm getting off track.)

Anyway, since I did stables last year, this go-around I wanted to touch on tag teams. But OH MY does WWE not care about tag teams. When I looked at the current tag team roster, I saw a crew that gets jobbed out like no one's business.

Admittedly, SmackDown at least seems to have a little more protection, but even with a cursory following of Raw on recaps, I know that the tag division is broken. When one of the teams who held your World championship is literally called the B-Team, you have given up on trying to make money with your division.

So as an act of protest against this load of garbage, I'm going to do a WWE counterpart, but only as a secondary thought. It's also only going to be women's wrestlers, since when I do hear positives about WWE, they almost always come from the women's division.

My main idea will be tag teams from the companies I actually followed this year (New Japan Pro Wrestling, Ring of Honor and CMLL). Because they have earned the right to be talked about this year.

Let's do this! AFC first!

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS - THE YOUNG BUCKS (WWE: ASUKA)

The Chiefs have had an entertaining year to say the least. Their offense was at the top of the league and their new rookie quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, has been a source of great fun on the field.

Despite the youth, though, it's the experience that is helping carry this team through its more difficult moments. Travis Kelce is a long-time monster at the tight end position, and Andy Reid is nothing if not legendary as a coach at this point. The only thing missing from his résumé is a championship, and he may finally have a team who can do it, so he is clearly on a mission this year to make that happen.

The Young Bucks represent all of these emotions pretty clearly. They have always come across as the "NEXT GEN" of professional wrestling, but at this point they are past the 30-year mark in life. They look like they don't age, but Nick and Matt Jackson were at a point this year where this current free agency was their last good chance to make money.

So what did they do this year? They moved up to New Japan's heavyweight division and captured the championships, then did the same in Ring of Honor. This is the only tag team in the world who could force themselves in the tag title matches of both companies' biggest shows (despite not really being involved in the storylines at all) and not have the bulk of the internet get mad at them. (Though I was annoyed at the New Japan one.)

And now their mission carries on into 2019 when they start their own wrestling company. If anyone has a chip on their shoulders the size of Andy Reid, it's these two.

I should note that I don't think the women's wrestlers I'm using are great matches for the teams, but they're the closest I can get to WWE talent that makes sense for this blog.

Asuka works because she has a high-octane offense (when it's allowed to be shown), and despite being new to fans of WWE, she's actually one of the most veteran talents on the roster. Her credentials speak for themselves... honestly far more than the Chiefs can boast, though her year has been spotty due to injury (which doesn't match the Chiefs success this year). That said, she's the best option from WWE to match KC.


NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS - THE BRISCOES (WWE: CHARLOTTE FLAIR)

I'm really getting tired of coming up with new analogies for the Patriots. I'm tired of the AFC east being so collectively incompetent that the Pats keep winning the division despite getting markedly worse by the year. I'm tired of them using those easy wins to stack their record into getting a bye week in the playoffs. I'm tired of them getting through a home playoff game with an extra week to plan so they can get on this blog.

The continued perpetual round of New England madness continues this year, but at least this time they're at a disadvantage compared to most years. Usually, if the Pats go to the Super Bowl, they're at home in the conference title game. The fact that they have to play in Kansas City this time may be the difference maker. At least it better be... I already have money on the outcome.

But regardless of any of the previous statements, they nonetheless are never totally out of the picture, which makes the Briscoes of Ring of Honor the perfect team for New England.

"Dem Boys" won the ROH tag title on two occasions this year, bringing their grand total to 10 times in their careers dating back to ROH's creation in 2002. Teams have come and gone, but the Briscoes are a permanent fixture in the ROH arenas akin to furniture or weird, creepy men at ringside who cheer for everything the company does (even when they need you to boo, you annoying little man!).

But yeah, the Briscoes rose to power around the same time the Pats did, and chances are they'll exit the scene around the same time. Unlike the Pats though, I highly recommend you go and find the work of Jay and Mark Briscoe ASAP. It's a great time.

As for the Charlotte comparison, I think it goes without saying. She's in the title picture constantly. She's gotten all the major "first time ever" matches they have been doing for the women's revolution, and at the rate she's going, by the end of next year, she will probably have broken Mickie James' record of nine women's world title reigns (Mickie had 6 in WWE, 3 in TNA).


NEW ORLEANS SAINTS - THE GUERRILLAS OF DESTINY (GoD) a.k.a. THE OG BULLET CLUB (WWE: BECKY LYNCH)

If there's a tag team out there I enjoy more than Tama Tonga and Tanga Loa, they are escaping my mind right now. This has been a year of revival for the classic era of the Bullet Club.

Over the last couple years, the Elite of Kenny Omega, the Young Bucks and Cody (notRhodes) have been dominating Bullet Club storylines to the point that I had largely forgotten about the original members who had not gone anywhere.

This quickly changed when the OGBC's laid out the Elite and have basically stuffed them at every turn since then, ensuring that the Elite were purged from the classic crew. The Elite may end up with way more money by the end, especially if All Elite Wrestling takes off like I think (hope) it might, but as far as New Japan fans go, GoD got one up on them on the way out.

The Saints feel like a redemption tour has been long in the works. Despite winning a title and having a candidate for Greatest Quarterback Ever, New Orleans has been almost perennially on the bridesmaid list without any hope of actually getting back to the altar.

(Actually come to think of it, marriage is a terrible analogy here. The point of football is to get to the big stage more than once... eh, forget it. You all get it and I'm on a roll here.)

This year has felt like a renaissance with the renewed offense and a revived defense that has given Drew Brees and the Saints a real shot again. I'm still not a believer in Sean Payton, but we'll see how this goes.

Oh, and hey! The Saints beat the Eagles, who claimed last year's Super Bowl by beating the Pats. You know what that means...

New Orleans is THE MAN.
Please give Becky Lynch the main event of WrestleMania. She is quite literally the best thing on any show right now.

LOS ANGELES RAMS - SO CAL UNCENSORED (WWE: RONDA ROUSEY)

So this is the team that I said didn't fit ideally with this specific gimmick. I have looked at tag teams across multiple companies and simply have not been satisfied with any of the choices for who could match the Rams.

The closest WWE came was Lucha House Party, but giving anyone a WWE tag team for a comparison feels like a cruel prank at this point, so that was out.

I thought of Suzuki-GUN in New Japan, but the teams they field don't usually revolve around new wrestlers. I considered Los Ingobernables de Japon's junior heavyweight team of Shingo and BUSHI, but the team only started mid-year.

I had really considered Nueva Generación Dinamitas in CMLL (El Cuatrero and Sansón), but they despite being in major storylines most of the year, they never felt like a team they were going to focus on as a team. (Kind of the nature of CMLL, but nonetheless...)

I finally settled on So Cal Uncensored because like the Rams, their offensive output and ability to impress has returned to previous levels this year. I have gotten enjoyment out of basically all the SCU matches I've seen, and their quest to become champions again was the best thing on ROH TV this year. I am truly glad that ROH recognized their talents and gave the tag titles the main event of 2018's biggest pay-per-view. Whether the team was Daniels and Kazarian, or Kazarian and Scorpio Sky, they delivered.

That said, the biggest draw to the Rams was youth and inexperience. There is no team that represents young blood in this league quite as well as the LA Rams. Fact is, across the major companies, the teams right now have all established themselves pretty well.

Luckily, using women as well in the comparison has saved me here because Ronda Rousey is perfect for the Rams.

Rousey, like the Rams, had been famous for being dominant in a previous time, but their stock had faded over the last few years... mostly thanks to incompetent coaching on both their parts.

Recently, though, both have revived themselves and appear better than they may have ever been. The Rams broke records that "The Greatest Show on Turf" set during their brief reign atop the football world. Meanwhile, Rousey has entered WWE and immediately become both a huge draw and a steady working hand in the ring.

Rousey matches are one of the few guarantees of quality left in the company, and few teams can boast being as exciting as a Rams football game.

Had it not been for "The Man" appearing on SmackDown, Rousey would be the biggest deal in the company right now among the fans. And had it not been for the Saints upending their undefeated season, the Rams would be the big deal Holyfield in the NFL going into this week's games.

WrestleMania and the remaining NFL playoffs will be monumental in determining whether the years of Ronda and the Rams will be simply another great season with a flat finish, or if the year will go down in the annals of history as being legendary.

(For the record, football-wise I think it will be, as I will take the Rams to win a rematch with the Chiefs to pick up a championship.)